did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention