you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.