shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?