maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..