i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.