Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity

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  (619): I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity http://tfl.nu/ljia
  Replies (5) Good night (1156) Bad night (483)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!

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  (602): you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies! http://tfl.nu/o9rd
  Replies (18) Good night (3261) Bad night (896)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.

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  (812): Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse. http://tfl.nu/k7kh
  Replies (36) Good night (4979) Bad night (862)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

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  (314): Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?' http://tfl.nu/xaro
  Replies (17) Good night (1068) Bad night (6320)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4586) Bad night (1132)
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  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (61) Good night (6945) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

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  (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time.... http://tfl.nu/q5xm
  Replies (5) Good night (3047) Bad night (1384)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck

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  (717): can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck http://tfl.nu/v7jv
  Replies (4) Good night (1497) Bad night (623)
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  (818): View more from California

  On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?

  (1-818): View more from California

  I'm about a 7.95

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  (818): On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies? (1-818): I'm about a 7.95 http://tfl.nu/5dnz
  Replies (7) Good night (1112) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  desperate times, desperate measures

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  (574): most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water (1-574): desperate times, desperate measures http://tfl.nu/2k3a
  Replies (8) Good night (493) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.

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  (817): Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it. http://tfl.nu/xes0
  Replies (9) Good night (1092) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS

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  (707): OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS http://tfl.nu/54sh
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (248)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.

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  (720): You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work. http://tfl.nu/msxy
  Replies (0) Good night (235) Bad night (657)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.

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  (605): I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk. http://tfl.nu/q1g3
  Replies (4) Good night (548) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.

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  (954): I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume. http://tfl.nu/djyj
  Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (142)

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