my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
