I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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