I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
