arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I believe in your delicious
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
