Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
