a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
