Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize