Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.