I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.