Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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