How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
