Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
