ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
