I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
