shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
