I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's the barista slut.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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