Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
