Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
