In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
