I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
