I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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