Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
