How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
