think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
