What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
