I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
