maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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