We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
