I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
