the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
