alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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