hotel room ftw
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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