Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
