i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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