I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
