my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
