Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
