Whoa Z and x make the same sound
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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