Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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