the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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