ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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