ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
