The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
