FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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