Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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