this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
