there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
