i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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