I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
