Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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