Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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