I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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