Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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