I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
