So drunk its hurt
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
