dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
