her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
